HE WILL BE HERE IN ABOUT 16 WEEKS!
This is real. So real.
But not in the, "Oh my god, what did we do?" way. But more in the, "There is SO much to do, can I get it all done in time?" way. And that's when it hit me.
Time is gonna start flying from here on out.
One of my biggest concerns about being a transdad/DI dad is telling him he was conceived via donor. It's something my wife and I have talked about. Even before we started this process. I don't want to keep it a secret from him. I don't want to wait until he is in his teens or older to tell him and have it blow up in my face.
My wife and I talked about how we want to introduce the fact that each and every family is different. There are ALL TYPES of families. And the common denominator is LOVE. And that sometimes people need help to have a family and it doesn't make them any less of a family.
But how/when do I slowly introduce these things to him? There are so many things that I have questions/concerns about and at times feel completely alone with them.
I know a lot of parents, but only a couple of trans parents. But their situation is a bit different than mine. I just don't want my son to feel that I was lying to him, or was keeping this huge secret from him.
And when we do tell him about being a DI kid, then I would have to tell him that I'm trans. A man that can't produce his own biological kids, a man that was assigned female at birth. Will he see me as less of a man than other dads?
Don't know if this helps. They are not trans, but when I listen to their personal story I get all tears. Nothing more beautiful than the love in their "donut" family.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.npr.org/programs/fresh-air/2012/11/12/164977446/?showDate=2012-11-12
It touches me that you keep a blog and can be candid with your thoughts to get them worked out. I am a fan of this! You hit on the biggest component when you mentioned LOVE - no doubt about it. I guess the thing to remember is your job AS a parent. Define what that is to you and Jennifer, and fulfill that obligation to your son, and you won't have to worry about how anyone defines you. As a teenager...you might meet some resistance because as teens we will use anything, do anything, say anything to hurt our parents if we are hurting or to make them acutely aware of our dislike for things...but I bet you anything that G will know in his heart who you are because you've been HIM all along. You're pretty great, you.
ReplyDeleteThanks Wendy for those wonderful words. I guess just like every parent I shall learn as I go. But I am very grateful for all the advice of those that are parents! I'm sure I'll need some tips!
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