1 Month Quick Update!

Well ladies and Gents....
On September 19th... which happens to be my parent's anniversary and also.... International Talk Like A Pirate day....Our little guy turned 1 month old!!

Happy 1 Month Birthday!!!

WHAT?!?!

People talked about how time flies with kids and how fast they seem to grow... but this is crazy.  Granted, the first week and a half he was in a hospital so that could be a bit of why it seems to be going fast but I know its not the ONLY reason. 

Its funny when I think back to when I was in middle school.  I didn't want any part of marriage or babies.  None of that.  But here I am married to an amazing woman and now a proud dad to this amazing kid.

As far as how I feel as a transdad... Well, that's hard to say really.  Which I guess is a good thing.  While things have been busy with G in our household, I haven't really thought about it too much.  At least not in a negative way.  Yes I know we are not biologically related but I don't feel that makes me any less his dad than if we were biologically related.  I have found things he does (which are limited of course.. he IS only a month old. :)) that make me feel more connected with him.  Simple things like him finally settling down after belting out the theme song to Arthur and Pokemon several times.  His farting and burping.  These are things I love haha.

I don't feel any less of a father because I'm trans.  And I know that there will be times where I will have some issues but right now in this moment... I'm a happy, proud father of an amazing boy.  And I can't wait to see how our relationship grows and develops.

Well this will be a short post.  As little G is starting to wake up.   Enjoy some pictures since I didn't get to post some on the last post.

Later Gator!!

I love this kid!!

Wife took this picture during our relax time. Ha!

The Rhythm of Fatherhood

I'm a music man... not really like Harold Hill, however I think I'd like to play that role someday! Ha!  But a lover of music.  Sometimes I feel our lives are a forever looping piece sheet of music, filled with key and time signatures, some measures are filled with accidentals and we grit our teeth to get through the madness and our sheet music also has an infinite amount of volta brackets for every situation.  We get used to a groove or melody and when there is a change midway through and we continue on with life's song.  We might miss a note or two and say, "... Shit... damn it... or what the what?!" but we all get through to the next portion eventually.  This is how I feel right now.  I'm just getting started in the next portion of my musical piece.  I'm trying to learn and get used to this new key signature and tempo.  Its not perfect... but its still beautiful.

G has been home with us just over a week.  And on Tuesday he will be 3 weeks old.  3 weeks!!  I feel like the first portion of his life is flying by fast.  Jen and I are trying to get a rhythm of parenthood and I think for the most part... its going well.  It's insane to me how quickly I think we've learned about G and who he is.  Our intuition has kicked in to high gear and we can (at times) know what he wants/needs.  This unspoken (sometimes crying/wailing) language.

There are days where I still struggle with the fact that he isn't biologically mine.  In a previous blog I talked about how the very first thing most people said at the hospital was how much he looked like me and how happy it made me feel. I know this will happen for a while. Its something that I will have to get used to and find different ways to deal with these situations.  But as he gets older by he day he grows and changes.  And those days are slowly going away.  And not that I want people to lie and say that he looks a bit like me.  Its just hard at times to hear over and over how much he looks like Jen.  Which in the long run... it's better for him to look like Jen than me!  :)

I've also gone back to work for the most part.  Took a few days off since G is home now so we can have some family bonding time.  That has been harder than I thought.  I have been feeling really overwhelmed.  Coming back after a holiday weekend and I still feel like I am struggling to get things in order.  Feeling like I can't catch up!  And that bugs the shit out of me.  I usually have my work things VERY organized.  And when that's out of my control, I get very overwhelmed.  Hopefully after the next few days back at work, I'll be able to get things back to "normal."



*** I have a lot more pictures to post... however my photostream is being a dick!**