Chatting with Mom...

So its been a week since that last post and I was starting to even wonder if this blog was a good idea.  Not that I feel I'd need to make a post everyday but I was thinking, maybe I don't have much to talk about.  *shrugs*  But it so happens that something came up and it really made me think.

I was on the phone with my mom.  She hasn't been feeling well and have been seeing the doctor and they haven't been able to find out the source of the pain she is having.  So I gave her a call because I tend to worry and I checked in to see how things were going.  We start chatting and she is feeling better, which is great! 

We then change the subject, to talk about the baby.  The conversation goes kinda like this. Obviously this isn't verbatim.

Me:  G has been moving around like crazy in Jen's belly.
Mom:  Aww really?
Me:  Yeah, he is probably dancing in there.
Mom:  He probably really likes music.
Me:  Maybe.
Mom:  I think so.  Jen really likes music and on the father likes music too.....
Me:  Mom... We don't call him the father.  He is the donor.  And it hurts my feelings when you said that.

Now let me first say that English is my mom's second language.  She has been living in the states for quite a long time however, there are certain things that are hard for her when its new or just things that most people don't talk about everyday.  Things like talking about sperm donors and stuff.  I know she didn't do it on purpose and there were times during my transition where she might have said something that hurt my feelings, but I knew she didn't mean it and it was just new for her and she didn't know the right words to use.  But when she called the donor the father my heart literally sank.  It sank SO deep.

After I told her that it hurt my feelings and that we refer to him as the donor, she said how the word "donor" was just odd to her because of the English. I told he she could say "Sperm" instead and we laughed and she said that was good too. She apologized for what she said and everything is fine. 

I was really glad that I said something.  I didn't use to say things that were on my mind like that when I was younger. My mom had mental health issues and I never new what was going to set her off, so I never really said much of anything.  So I felt really good about saying something.  I knew I HAD to.  I need to start doing it now so that it wasn't going to happen when G is born. 

After we talked we starting talking about my step-dad.  Who I see is my ACTUAL dad.  He raised me and I have no association at all with my biological father.  Even when I legally changed my name for the transition, I took my step-dad's last name.  I felt like it was my way of showing him that I see him as my father.  Strangely though, I don't call him dad.  I've always called him by his first name.  And lately I got to thinking.  He IS my dad, he has raised me since I was a little kid.  Why haven't I started calling him "dad".  I felt bad about that.  So I was telling my mom (because he wasn't there) that I was going to start calling him dad.  I didn't want G to grow up and wonder why I didn't call his Grandpa, Dad. 

So I'll start calling my step-dad... as Dad.  He deserves it.